So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
