you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
