Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
