We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
