All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
