Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
