Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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