the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
