Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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