So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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