Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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