wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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