At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
