new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
