end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
