You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
