Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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