I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
