so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
