Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just made out with a guy for $7.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
