I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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