if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
