Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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