I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
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I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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