Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
