Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
