Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
