Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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