I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
