Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
