I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
