Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
