My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
