I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
