Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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