i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
