Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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