CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
