I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
