yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
