she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He kissed a someone with a penis
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
