I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
