the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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