Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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