When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize