why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
