do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
