I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
