Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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