i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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