The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
