I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
