I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
