You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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