question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
