WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
