i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
