I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
