great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Boobs are out for the taking
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
