Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
