So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
