We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
