I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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