barbara walters just said penis...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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