so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
