i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
