Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
