i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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