I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
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Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
please don't ironically join a cult
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