Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
