I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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